Was Rodney King right?

My friend Matt is an aficionado of the Trinity Broadcasting Network. Matt and his friends can often be found getting stoned and tuning in to the TBN and getting a good hearty laugh at the expense of many god-fearing citizens. One thing that Matt has observed through his years of watching Benny Hinn and Jim Bakker and company, is that these fundamentalist Christians live comfortably in a world that is approximately twenty years in the past. If you were to tune in to TBN at this exact instant, you would see side pony-tails, fluorescent parachute pants, and slap-wraps. Women would have on oversized sweaters and have a perm, while men are sporting pastel sweaters and neatly parted hair. Matt's stoned thesis doesn't need much research to prove(just the resolve), but my point is that I came across a brilliant piece of evidence to support is theory. On my way home, I passed a church advertising Sunday's sermon as: "Was Rodney King right?" I swear that is not a joke. Seriously- "Was Rodney King right?" It's one thing to get high and laugh at someone's shitty TV graphics and silly outdated fashion and hairstyles, but these people are living THIRTEEN YEARS in the past! FOR REAL. Has the Catholic Church been debating Rodney King's infamous "Can't we all just get along" for thirteen years? Did I miss some recent revelation in the Rodney King trial last week? Did God grant them a time-machine after all that praying? I can only imagine what the future holds for this congregation. Some highlights are bound to include: 1993- David Koresh's Waco, Texas Branch-Davidians compound is raided by the federal government; next year, in 2006, Christians will applaud the federal government's treatment of this "filthy liberal godless cult" and help raise funds for (ironically) President Bush's re-election. Chrisitans will also suddenly realize what the jokes about Janet reno on Saturday Night Live reruns are all about. 1995- Oklahoma City Bombing; in 2008 there will be many candlelight vigils in honor of the victims of this horrifying domestic terrorist action. 1997- Scientists clone sheep; in 2010, while the rest of us send our cloned doppelgangers to war with aliens, the fundamentalist christians will be appalled that science would disgrace the will of god and the desecration of the human soul. 1999- Columbine School attack; In April of 2012, Christians will be witness to a horrifying act of youth terrorism and raise hundreds of dollars for the victim's families and surviving alumni of Columbine high school. The recipients of these funds will be momentairly confused by this gracious donation to an old incident, but then shrug it off and buy another flying car. As you can see, there are going to be future repercussions(if you'll pardon the pun), for the Trinity Broadcast Network and other fundamentalist christian organizations. Their lack of timely coverage on current events will help them gather awkward stares and whispered sarcasm for decades, until they fall so far behind the rest of the world's nature they have to move into the BioDome. Luckily for them, no one has cared about the BioDome since 1993, so they will be right at home.