Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Triplets!

For those that have never compared Broadway musical composer Andrew Lloyd Weber and self-proclaimed Master of Horror Lit Stephen King, I've created this image:

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WHOA. What the fuck? Were these two separated at birth? Long ago, in a faraway land, was Steve Lloyd split in two? Where one side, the Lloyd, became a master of dancing gay, musical delight while the other side, the Steve, was cast into shadows to dwell with clowns and tommy knockers? Did Weber spring from the forehead of King? Or some other obscure mythology reference?

I know, it's a lot of questions to throw at you and I apologize, but this is an issue that really needs to be addressed. Preferably before any more clones spring forth in different artistic, creative careers.

Perhaps this is a hidden symbol of intelligent design that we are supposed to figure out; that men without upper lips are more likely to succeed in the area of high school reading lists and musical stagings about Jesus.

OH SHIT. THERE IS ANOTHER ONE!

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IT'S TOMMY HILFIGER!

So now the creatures with the big foreheads and massage moustache zoning occupy top tier positions of theater, horror lit, and fashion. Pretty soon, the whole world will look like these three men, like that Twilight Zone episode with the pig-faced people. We will turn into a society of fashionable, musical, writers, meaning all other things will cease to exist in a specialized entrepreneurial manner! No more chefs, no more car salesmen, no more farmers!

This is the point of humanity where we devolve(devo) back to cavemen, and come full circle with the beginning and ending of humanity. Our society will construct Dark Towers, dress in fine red, white and blue linens, and sing glorious songs about Cats!

Join with me my brothers and sisters! We will lead the revolution and destroy these tyrannical monsters! No more phantoms of operas! No more crappy sweatshop polo shirts with sweaters tied around the necks! No more Pet Cemetary and Dreamcatcher! We will fight back!

If anybody has any reasons that I am missing to keep these people around please tell me. Is Maximum Overdrive reason enough to keep The Steve? Is Jesus Christ Superstar (movie or play) enough to keep the Lloyd? I think we can all agree that Tommy Hilfiger is a racist douche, so we can dump his sorry, faux-patriotic, crap-fashion ass in a ditch.

Thoughts? Arguments? Comments?

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