Never Going Back

I just spent the last two nights with my girlfriend watching "Cheaters" on DVD, uncensored, and I will never be able to watch it on television again.

What? You aren't familiar with Joey Greco and the Cheaters Detective Squad? Holy shit, you poor human. Cheaters is a television show like COPS, only for people being unfaithful to boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses. Someone hires the Cheaters private investigators and they snoop around and find out if the person is cheating or not; however, if they are being aired on the show, they are ALWAYS cheating. Then, the host, Joey Greco, takes the one being cheated on and they confront the cheater. The production crew almost always times the confrontation to perfectly occur mid-coitus, offering the maximum of tossing the naked chick off the dudes' lap in a shower of pillows, sheets, and g-strings, and the resulting screaming match happening with full frontal nudity.

The thing is- it's always blurred and bleeped on television. Once, about a year ago, my girlfriend and I saw the greatest episode ever which involved a S&M dungeon and black latex and baby clothes. But after watching the uncensored version, I don't think we will ever be the same.

We were watching The Best of Cheaters Volume 5, which included, plenty of fights, meth heads, these two black lesbians that were trying to kill each other and my a dude opening up a paintball gun on the camera crew (you could hear the cameraman grunting from each paintball hitting them, but they kept on filming).

Also, here is my favorite line from the "interview" portion of Cheaters, as they are introducing the woman who hired them:
Fat Mexican Girl: if I find out that he is cheating on me....[sniffle]…I'm going to kill him. Out of love.

If you're wondering what to get that person in your family that loves Maury Povich, Jenny Jones, and owns all the Jerry Springer: Too Hot for TV videos, Cheaters is the gift to give this holiday season. You will not be disappointed by it.