Some Letters I Wrote While in Slow-Internet Purgatory

Dear "It's a Grind" coffee house,

This frosty coffee drink and flamenco music IS NOT RELAXING IN ANY WAY.

Love,
Jeff

PS: Your name isn't that punny.

PPS: Go fuck yourself and your shitty internet.


Dear God of War II,

You are awesome. I wish I could play you forever and ever and we have fun and get milkshakes and then ride bikes together. Also, remember that time I screamed at you? I'm sorry, I was just overwhelmed with excitement and emotion. We cool?

Love,
Jeff



Dear The Internet,

Why are you such a harsh mistress? Why can't you provide me with the best blogs ALL the time? Why don't you work in the comfort of my own home where you I use you AND play God of War II.

Love,
Jeff


Dear Overwhelming Amount of Work I have to do,

I'm glad I'm busy, but seriously- some of us have God of War II to play and you aren't helping me and Kratos defeat the Sisters of Fate and change our destiny so we can kill Zeus, King of the Gods. But I guess you're cool. Wanna come over and play God of War II later?

Love,
Jeff