Where is the Universal Size Committee?

Iâve always wondered who the people were that decided on how sizes worked, because for the life of me- I still donât get it.

Letâs re-cap quickly so you can understand where Iâm coming from:

Small doesnât exist any more.
Pizzas can only be Medium, Large, or Extra Large.
However, when dealing with coffee, Tall = Small.
Some places establish their âmediumâ size as âregular.â
A large box of crackers is Family Size.
A large bag of Doritos is Party Size.
Models wear NEGATIVE size jeans, unless they are fat in which case they wear size 0.

What if a family is having a party? Do you buy the family size or the party size?

Besides this all, coincidentally or not, having to do with our over-excess, carb-counting, consumer-driven culture, what else is wrong here? Personally, I canât get around the fact that âsmallâ doesnât exist. Did 7-11 or Dominoâs pizza decide on that? Why did everyone follow?

Hereâs the thing: You canât have MEDIUM without first establishing what SMALL is. If medium is the smallest you can go isnât THAT small?! Iâm not debating things like Extra Small and Extra Extra Large. I understand that people and things come in all shapes and sizes. But at least there needs to be a tare. A starting point. A balance to the equation.

Letâs look at 7-11. You can get a regular or large fountain soda. Then you can go bigger. Big Gulp, Super Big Gulp, I think thereâs another one that is 64 oz.

And then- the 128oz âTEAMâ Gulp. One gallon of tooth decay sugartown for your little league team or AYSO kids.

When did size become such a distinct and furious marketing tool? Iâll never understand the soul-crushing negative size jeans which is forcing hundreds of girls into sweatshops and hundreds of girls into anorexia. Iâll never understand the extinction of âsmallâ pizzas(not to mention the disappearance of the PâZone). Iâll never really be able to distinguish why Tall is smaller than Grande and vice-versa. Iâll never figure out Family Size, Party Size, and Super Size, let alone, Super Size Super Big Gulp, Super Jumbo Big Gulp and Team Gulp.

What troubles me most about all of this is that I know the evolution will happen again. But will we move up again or change languages like Starbucks? Coffee versus Pizza! The ultimate showdown! What happens when Super Sizing isnât enough, or will the pendulum swing back the other direction and will Medium become the new large giving way to Small and Extra Small as itâs predecessors?

The only thing that really matters is that Team Gulp sounds gross.

Me worry, no bloggy

I've really let this whole "blog" thing slide in the past week and a half, and for that, dear readers, I apologize. I've actually been blogging- nay! administrating a secret blog for the documentary I'm working on. My job is keeping me crazy busy, but since we just entered production, I'll be languishing in the office a lot more sitting in front of Final Cut Pro doing my duties.

On top of the 10 hour days I've been working, I'm trying to finish a short film I shot a few weeks ago, and my deadline is keeping me under the gun. It's coming together pretty darn well, and I'm excited to share the finished product with y'all.

Rest assured, oh those of you who care(Hi Andy!), I am working hard to remedy this lapse of bloggitude. There is also the mention, from some of you, for the epic story of my medical marijuana doctor's journey which I am crafting slowly for a two part blog special coming soon. Indeed, friendly California potheads, you will not be left without any iota of information you will need to obtain your legal right to getting "medicated."

Before I leave you again, however, I will ask for two things:

First and most importantly, to my readers who have not subscribed to this blog- Now's your chance to subscribe for free! It's fun and unobtrusive to your daily life, but provides you with MySpace entertainment on a semi-regular basis.

Secondly- California potheads- if you have significantly interesting and/or scary stories about your "medicine" please message me. If you have ideas for television shows, stories about law enforcement, concerts, behind the scenes gossip, anything- I'm interested to hear about it. Also, if you know anyone that grows their own "medicine" or has an enormous novelty bong, I am interested to hear about this. Sorry out of state stoners, you've got your own problems to deal with, like your stupid governments keeping your lazy, cartoon network-watching asses down, by not legalizing your "medication."

I'll be back more often(he lied), so stay tuned!

Suck it, Geffen

I recently had a nerd high anc decided to order some back issues of Cinefex, the definitive magazine for all things visual effects. One of the ones I got has an article about Frank Oz's 1986 "Little Shop of Horrors" starring Rick Moranis. It's a fantastic movie, one that my girlfriend and I adore with varying degrees of ferocity for different aspects of it's production.

Since the issue came out around the same time as the movie, if not just before, it contained some beautiful images that I had never seen before- beautiful pictures of the oft referenced, never-seen, original ending [SPOILERS] where everyone dies and Audrey II rampages across America and the movie ends with the image of Audrey II strangling the statue of liberty. They really shouldn't be spoilers because this is how the play ends.

In 1998, as DVDs were quickly flooding media culture, they released Little Shop of Horrors with a good chunk of special features, including this rarely seen, unfinished ending as a bonus feature. Within a few weeks, every single DVD was recalled from video stores and the company had to reauthor the DVD without that deleted scene.

Apparently David Geffen was not informed they would be releasing this scene and had wanted to include it on a future release of the DVD. When he found out they had released the thing he raised hell and the DVDs vanished. You can find one selling for upwards of $150 on eBay right now and the Amazon.com listing includes a specific note saying this is NOT the edition with the alternate ending.

The Cinefex article goes into fascinating detail about the ending where they did some pretty awesome effects. They used the same puppets they had, but to make Audrey II look like it was growing just made a bunch of increasing smaller scale miniatures. Things like that. I read the article desperately wanting to see this original ending that I thought was merely myth; to find out that for the modest price tag of one hundred and fifty dollars would enable me to see it wasn't good enough.

So where do I turn? The Angel YouTube. The entire 23 minute original ending sequence, sans sound effects and in black and white is available to registered users in one complete chunk or in three parts for those of us who didn't know you could even register with YouTube.

So fuck off David Geffen- as much as I love this movie and i want it to increase it's commercial revenue so people make movies like this again, that's what you get for being a greedy bastard and not letting people enjoy special features they want.

You got NAPSTERED!

Gateway

As I've been doing a lot of research into medical marijuana(honestly, just marijuana in general), I've found one thing to be true about the battle for and against legalization, and just recently found an article where a doctor sites this problem:

When battling for legalization, researchers and doctors attest to the drug causing little to no harm.

When battling against legalization, researchers and doctors say the drug is dangerous and deadly and the root of all evil.

Something that used to come up every single time in junior high or high school, was that marijuana is a gateway drug. If you use marijuana, you're more likely to use other drugs liek cocaine and heroin and LSD. While part of me feels this is true because I've seen it happen and because it was told to me in school, I really think that fact is the least researched aspect of the entire debate.

A few years ago there was a study about marijuana being a gateway drug. The study, conducted by the Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse, claims that marijuana users are 85 times more likely to try cocaine than non-marijuana users. But the figure was found by dividing the proportion of marijuana users, in their study, who have used cocaine(17%) by the proportion of cocaine users who have never used marijuana(.2%). (Morgan, Zimmer 1995)

In my personal experience I've seen a significant split down the middle- the people I know that have used marijuana that have tried other (federally)illicit drugs and the people that have used marijuana and never moved on. Besides the point that marijuana is significantly more available, especially now, than other drugs. I'm sure that the process of someone starting to use marijuana, being introduced to illicit substances and then proceeding to purchasing illicit substances is happening all the time. But there are more casual users of marijuana than fierce, loyal, desperate users.

What I'm trying to say is- the amount of marijuana users is so high(no pun intended), it has to drive up other statistics as well. So I guess in a way I subscribe to the "gateway effect," but not from an abuse perspective- abusing one drug will lead to the abuse of others. It's inevitable, with mind-altering substances that you'll try another; mushrooms to acid to peyote, cocaine to methamphetamines to barbituates; etc etc etc to etc.

Anti-drug campaigns have recently begun targetting marijuana more-so than all other drugs. Or if it's referencing drug use as a broad term, they just use marijuana because of it's "gateway effects." It's still prudent because marijuana is, as i've just said, more readily available.

Which brings me to my final point, one I seem to come back to over and over again. Would the legalization of marijuana, the insemination of it into society, with governmental control and taxation, create a frenzy of use and abuse? would crime go up? would high school dropouts go up? Or would there be a boom leading to a level, stable trend of use?

The Way Things Work

I am not a pot smoker, but I know many of them. This week I started work on a documentary about medical marijuana, it's importance and the way society is, well, having trouble dealing with the fight for legalization.

Here's how it works:

On the federal level, it's illegal. In California, it's legal with a valid prescription. In certain counties in California, it's still considerably illegal to be in possession of a controlled substance.

There are lawyers that are devoting their entire careers to marijuana law; there are doctors that are popping up across west Hollywood to open up clinics to be tested for medical marijuana; not to mention the rapid development of "dispensaries" around Los Angeles, where those with prescriptions can go to fill their prescriptions.

And how can you fill your prescriptions? Let me count the ways: candy bars, capsules, flavored joints, hydroponic kush, acapulco gold, maui wowie, willie nelson(the drug, not the singer)...the list goes on and on.

I've been spending the last two days reading the California State Health and Safety Code regarding marijuana and all of it is amended by the fact that if you have a valid prescription, you can legally possess and smoke cannabis sativa.

But if you're caught by a federal entity, like the DEA, you're screwed because they will prosecute you for a federal offense(if I'm correct, any of you lawyers out there can help me out).

Personally, I don't think it needs to be as much of a controlled substance as it has been for the last hundred years. It does about the same thing as copious amounts of alcohol, and it impairs your driving the same way. It's a huge commodity that isn't being taxed because it's a controlled substance. If it becomes legal, the government can control it and tax it and make some green off of it, just like tobacco or alcohol or firearms.

Isn't the promise of hundreds of millions of dollars a year enough to legalize something that is as harmful as alcohol? What about if Big Tobacco helped legalize cannabis? They could go on a rampage changing their tobacco fields to the wacky brand of tobacco. Or they could start marketing a whole line of Camel Spliffs or Marlboro Jazz, then they could be making money hand over fist hitting two huge groups of users(abusers) at the same time. With the marijuana, they don't need much processing(that I know of), nor do they need to add so many gross chemicals and deadly toxins.

And that might diminish all those half-lame anti-smoking advertisements that get a little too preachy or fake or gross or whatever.

So there you have it. Consider this the first of many entries regarding this issue of legalizing marijuana, as we have started pre-production on a documentary based on this subject. If you would like to be kept abreast of updates and goings-on behind the (hazy) scenes, subscribe to this blog! There are going to many many more stories, including some very interesting items that will definitely be flagged by the DEA, which I've been told are aware of this documentary. Stay tuned, stoners.

I KNEW IT!

As we were shooting inside a metal and cement box, with 3000 watts of power roasting us, our energy dwindling, i repeated a mantra, a crazy, heat-stroked mantra:

HOLY FUCK. IT HAS TO BE THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR, SERIOUSLY. I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS FUCKING HOT BEFORE.

Well- heeeeeeere you go! CNN.com(http://www.cnn.com/2006/WEATHER/07/23/heatwave.ap/index.html) says that California reported record heat across the state AND declared a stage one emergency. And they're worried about power, rather than people burning ALIVE, in this ridiculous heat. Turn it off, Al Gore, we get it!

And apparently there is going to be more of the same today. Ai yai yai...Is it OK if I just pass out now and save you all the trouble of watching me crumple to the ground later on? Good.

[crumples in his seat]

Captain Kid

Andy took me to the Pirate Dinner Adventure for our anniversary last weekend. I know you're jealous you didn't get to meet this little guy.