Where is the Universal Size Committee?

Iâve always wondered who the people were that decided on how sizes worked, because for the life of me- I still donât get it.

Letâs re-cap quickly so you can understand where Iâm coming from:

Small doesnât exist any more.
Pizzas can only be Medium, Large, or Extra Large.
However, when dealing with coffee, Tall = Small.
Some places establish their âmediumâ size as âregular.â
A large box of crackers is Family Size.
A large bag of Doritos is Party Size.
Models wear NEGATIVE size jeans, unless they are fat in which case they wear size 0.

What if a family is having a party? Do you buy the family size or the party size?

Besides this all, coincidentally or not, having to do with our over-excess, carb-counting, consumer-driven culture, what else is wrong here? Personally, I canât get around the fact that âsmallâ doesnât exist. Did 7-11 or Dominoâs pizza decide on that? Why did everyone follow?

Hereâs the thing: You canât have MEDIUM without first establishing what SMALL is. If medium is the smallest you can go isnât THAT small?! Iâm not debating things like Extra Small and Extra Extra Large. I understand that people and things come in all shapes and sizes. But at least there needs to be a tare. A starting point. A balance to the equation.

Letâs look at 7-11. You can get a regular or large fountain soda. Then you can go bigger. Big Gulp, Super Big Gulp, I think thereâs another one that is 64 oz.

And then- the 128oz âTEAMâ Gulp. One gallon of tooth decay sugartown for your little league team or AYSO kids.

When did size become such a distinct and furious marketing tool? Iâll never understand the soul-crushing negative size jeans which is forcing hundreds of girls into sweatshops and hundreds of girls into anorexia. Iâll never understand the extinction of âsmallâ pizzas(not to mention the disappearance of the PâZone). Iâll never really be able to distinguish why Tall is smaller than Grande and vice-versa. Iâll never figure out Family Size, Party Size, and Super Size, let alone, Super Size Super Big Gulp, Super Jumbo Big Gulp and Team Gulp.

What troubles me most about all of this is that I know the evolution will happen again. But will we move up again or change languages like Starbucks? Coffee versus Pizza! The ultimate showdown! What happens when Super Sizing isnât enough, or will the pendulum swing back the other direction and will Medium become the new large giving way to Small and Extra Small as itâs predecessors?

The only thing that really matters is that Team Gulp sounds gross.