The Addiction Addict

This documentary i'm working on isn't necessarily about addiction per se, but it's definitely one of the most prevalent undertones running through our minds. As an act of solidarity, the entire crew decided to join our subject for thirty days of sobriety en totale. No drugs, no alcohol, and nothing else that lowers inhibitions and/or alters the mind.

I made it a staggering 14 days of sobriety before I realized I was going to a Journey concert and there was no way I could get through it without coming into contact with beer or pot. I was one of the last on the crew to fall off the wagon, although a few would say they are still on when they technically are not.

What was confusing to me was that I'm not an addict in the classic sense of the word- I don't need alsohol or marijuana to function, to get my day started, to deal with my life, it doesn't effect my life beyond the bar, etc. And in justifying myself that way, I felt like I didn't need to worry about not going the full thirty days.

But then I started to worry- Does THAT mean I am an addict? Making an excuse for my usage and understating my supposed addiction? I probably drink once a week, and am in a bar about three times a month. My marijuana usage is practically non-existant. So i didn't think that I needed to quit for thirty days because it's not something that I every really do on a regular basis to begin with, except I am worried that because I am excusing my behavior in that way, it means i AM addicted.

I know that I am addicted to ONE thing: Coffee. Again, I don't NEED it to start my day, but coffee is the one thing I look forward to in the morning and in the evening. Ever since coming back to work here, I've been drinking a LOT more coffee; way more at work, and none at home.

Make no mistake, my body is addicted to coffee, caffeinated or decaffeinated, as I can prove because it has been 30 hours since my last cup and I have a splitting headache. The headache started around the time I would be at work having coffee and starting my day. I took two Advil and am chewing some gum to make this pain in my head disappear. It's that horrible addict head pain, right behind your eyes, up a little, making you a little disoriented and uncomfortable but giving you no good reason to go home to bed. Blech.

I'm off coffee for awhile because I don't want my body to depend on it in any way. no more alcohol either, just because I want to prove that I can stay sober for another two weeks. Instead, I've decided to become addicted to cigarettes! I mean, why not? It;ll only be until I start drinking coffee and alcohol again and it's clear that my body is addicted to addiction, whether it's coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, Guitar Hero, or blogging- I need something to get my day started and suppress my appetite all the while changing my metabolism and increasing my significant levels of nausea and self-deprecation.

So what do you think? Am I Kool? Or a Marlboro Man?