Been a while

Hello what's left of my MySpace blog readership.

I would tell you where I've been but it's not that exciting. In fact there are a lot of clouds and what looks to be leftover teenage angst floating around.

I will tell you that the all the MySpace redesigning and tweaking has really undermined my desire to blog; the silver lining is that I am getting back into futzing with a big-boy blog on my website Crockeronline.com.

Really all this falls under what has been under my skin for the last year or so- SELF PROMOTION. I fight it and fight it and fight it; but in the realm of web content, er, NEW MEDIA, something that is affecting so many of us more and more these days- it's beginning to be a desperately important aspect of making one's way in on the world wide tube(someday, we'll all start saying internet again without having to think up a snarky different name for it).

In the past few months I have been forcing myself to be a more diligent self-promoter and I thank you all for putting up with me. SEE?! I have to apologize for all the MySpace postings about my band, or web shows, or whatever. I shouldn't have to do that. I should be proud of the things I have done and be excited to share it all with you.

And I am. I am proud of all the blogs and Townland CD hawkings, the SuperEgo Supershorts and Kitten Vs. Newborn episodes. It's all what makes me super happy to have an outlet with a devoted readership to write for and like the salad days of the Damon Gentry/Jeff Crocker MySpace Blog challenge, I strive to make everything better for each and every one of you. Because you deserve the best in Jeff Crocker news- and by hook or by crook, you're going to get it.

Which means i'm going to move over to Wordpress as soon as I get everything working properly with MySQL databases and PHPadmin servers.

What is Your Armageddon?

In the acclaimed film "Armageddon," the world is threatened by a giant asteroid, and NASA turns to the ONE PERSON in the entire world that can save humanity- Bruce Willis. Willis' character is a regular joe, owns an oil rig and has spent his whole life working his fingers to the bone. But in this infinitely specific case, he is the only person in the world that has the skill set to save the entire planet.

So here's my question to you all: Based on your own specific skill set- the things that you have spent your life working with, playing with, tinkering with- what is the calamity that would threaten Earth that ONLY YOU could prevail over?

For instance: If some sort film visual effect came to life and started menacing the world, and only spoke the language of contemporary short story authors, and it's main weakness was God of War II, moustaches, and knowledge about the 1954 version of Journey to the Center of the Earth, the world's leaders would call me to save everyone from certain doom.

I ask you to put this question to yourself as well as your friends- What is your Armageddon?

Freeway by Aimee Mann

Here is the Aimee Mann video I worked on a month ago with Michael Blieden; i did it all the weekend of Jenny and Derek's wedding. Pretty fun. I really like the song and it gets in your head right away, so don't be surprised if you find yourself humming it the rest of the day.

Click here: FREEWAY BY AIMEE MANN

It's on Michael's personal site at wonderfully high resolution, so it's going to load slowly and if it jumps around, feel free to clicky over to Aimee's site to see it- http://www.aimeemann.com/media.php?vid=4

Also, Super High Me is out on DVD and available where fine DVDs can be purchased or rented. Personally, I haven't been able to find it at Best Buy (boo), but you are encouraged to queue it up on Netflix, or buy it off Amazon. (Also, there is a VARIANT cover considered "conservative art," in case you are offended or nauseated by a man with forty joints crammed in his maw.)

Also also! Very exciting! Andy and Scott's new show, KITTEN VS. NEWBORN will be premiering ONE WEEK FROM TODAY on ADULTSWIM.COM. It was originally slated for another website, but Adult Swim picked it up and we're all but locked to premiere on July 8th on AdultSwim.com. Kitten Vs. Newborn is a political satire show about an intense presidential campaign race for America's votes, and their hearts. Episodes should be running once a week up until the election in November! That's like, almost 20 weeks of hilarious new episodes.

I think that's it. How are all you?

Crazy or Bluetooth: On the Beach

Crazy or Bluetooth is a game that is played when you least expect it. When some one is crazy, you can tell; when someone is having a conversation on a Bluetotoh enabled headset, you can tell. This game is for every other time.

I was running on the beach yesterday, much to my chagrin, and was panting like a dog in the 8AM 900-degree heat. Yikes.

A large man, with a significant belly and a ratty ponytail, wearing a bluetooth earpiece was approaching me on the opposite side of the running path. His sunglassed eyes seemed to track me while he said:

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Donald Sutherland!"

So, Crazy or Bluetooth?

Some Letters I Wrote While in Slow-Internet Purgatory

Dear "It's a Grind" coffee house,

This frosty coffee drink and flamenco music IS NOT RELAXING IN ANY WAY.

Love,
Jeff

PS: Your name isn't that punny.

PPS: Go fuck yourself and your shitty internet.


Dear God of War II,

You are awesome. I wish I could play you forever and ever and we have fun and get milkshakes and then ride bikes together. Also, remember that time I screamed at you? I'm sorry, I was just overwhelmed with excitement and emotion. We cool?

Love,
Jeff



Dear The Internet,

Why are you such a harsh mistress? Why can't you provide me with the best blogs ALL the time? Why don't you work in the comfort of my own home where you I use you AND play God of War II.

Love,
Jeff


Dear Overwhelming Amount of Work I have to do,

I'm glad I'm busy, but seriously- some of us have God of War II to play and you aren't helping me and Kratos defeat the Sisters of Fate and change our destiny so we can kill Zeus, King of the Gods. But I guess you're cool. Wanna come over and play God of War II later?

Love,
Jeff

E-Mail to Amazon.com customer service department

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Why is there no Deadliest Catch video game?

Why is there no Deadliest Catch video game?

Or Man Vs. Wild video game? (or Survivorman, which is FAR superior to MvW.)

Why is there no Ax Men video game, or Ice Road Truckers video game?

Why is there no Shackleton! video game?

Why is there no Hamlet video game?

I would ask why there is no Metamorphosis video game, EXCEPT THERE IS. It's an old school PC game called Bad Mojo, where you are a dude turned into a cockroach and you have to travel around a dirty apartment and a dirty bar evading traps and predators, and at one point you get to ride a moth.

Why is there no Seven Samurai video game?

Why is there no Poseidon Adventure video game?

Why is there no Fantastic Voyage video game?

Why is there no Brief History of Time video game?

Why is there no Iliad video game?

Why is there no Lolita vid- actually, let's get to the other ones first.