Pedophile Island

I went to bed early last night so that I could get up and take a walk. My morning constitutional, if you will. Right before I went to sleep I was listening to LoveLine on the radio and Adam Carolla was talking about his "idea" for a Lost type of TV show called "Pedophile Island." The basic premise was that in the future(2020) all the world's pedophiles were forced to live on an island in the middle of nowhere. Then one day, a plane full of Boy Scouts, on their way to the Fun Time Jamboree, goes down on pedophile island. Pretty funny.

Speaking of pedophiles, I had a conflicting moral dilemma today. I took a walk this morning and stopped in Rite Aid to pick up two items. The first item I bought was on of those cheap molded plastic toy boats that you give to kids to play in the pool. I bought it because I wanted to build onto it to make a realistic looking miniature. I was only planning on getting the boat, but then I realized that I didn't have any condoms, so back to the pharmacy area and bought a package of condoms. Done. Time to check out.

On my way back home, I walked past an elementary school. Kids were starting to arrive and walk into school, waving goodbye to their parents, running around on the blacktop. Almost past the elementary school, I see a young girl, no older than 8 or 9 years, LIMPING down the sidewalk, having obvious trouble walking to school. I start to think that maybe she was beat up by her deadbeat dad. Or maybe a bully beat her up and took her money. Or maybe she was bit by a wolverine. Who knows? I wanted to do the right thing and ask if she was OK, but then, I realized that I was carrying a plastic bag with a child's toy and a package of condoms. There is no other recipe that I know of that spells "child molester" than a childs toy and a contraceptive.

Principal: "Thank you for helping little Lupe!"
Me: "No problem. I just like to help my community."
(as I say goodbye, I drop my plastic bag)
Principal: "Oh Mr Crocker, you dropped your- what in God's name?!"
Me: "oh! ha ha! Um...you see.."
Principal: "Guards! Seize him!"
Me: "guards? what?"
(two Stormtroopers appear and grab me by the arms)
Principal: "This man is obviously a child molester. Take him away! TO PEDOPHILE ISLAND!"
Me: "Wait! I'm not a pedophile! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"

So I let this little, poor, gimpy girl, limp past me and into school where she probably got detention because she can't get to class fast enough. Then when her parents find out she got detention, her dad will beat her legs even more.

I am a horrible person.