File Under: You have GOT to be kidding

Via Yahoo News: "It is the adults who should be afraid this Halloween. Not of ghouls and goblins, but of permanently scarring their children. In a recent study of six- and seven-year-olds in the Philadelphia area, Penn State psychologist Cindy Dell Clark found that most parents underestimate just how terrifying the holiday can be for young kids." This is a joke, right? The article continues, "Halloween has been scaring the heck out of kids of all ages for centuries....Child psychologists generally caution parents that the fright of some aspects of Halloween can be too much for the very young, and advise adults to keep a close eye on children and remind them of what is real and what is not." Here's my reasoning: When you know of ONE DAY out of the ENTIRE year that you are going to go DOOR TO DOOR to collect CANDY, perhaps at the expense of someone in a rubber mask jumping out at you, perhaps startling you, how could ANYONE NOT BE PREPARED?! We know as society that there is one day every year a fat old man, crawls down our chimney and into our living room to leave presents under a pagan symbol of worship decorated with ecclesiastical glass orbs and angels, while we celebrate someone dying the most painful death imaginable and suffering the pain of every human in the history of time. We know that there is one day every year an enormous mutated anthropomorph hides colored eggs(which it cannot lay) that you search your backyard to find. WE ARE CREATING A SOCIETY OF PUSSIES. Here's the rebuttal to any argument that entails a kid getting scared at young age: My girlfriend HATES being startled. When she gets startled it could very likely bring her to tears. Or she'll start throwing punches. Eitehr way, it's not a pretty sight. I would love to go to the haunted houses at Knott's Scary Farm, The Queen Mary, or anywhere else, but she will NEVER want to go. You may say that this puts a damper on Halloween for her, but the reality is that Halloween is her favorite holiday in the history of the human species. She loves it more than anyone else I know. So regardless of her being scared as a little kid, she still LOVES Halloween. It's not Halloween that's the problem, it's not even the people that startle her, because she knows to stay away from those things, in this case, we are telling children that it's OK to be wimps. I can't think of anything more assinine, thick-headed, retarded, or irresponsible. Besides, there is nothing to change about Halloween to make it more kid-friendly. It's already a kid's holiday! You dress up like a hobo, run around your neighborhood and collect candy. If someone doesn't like Halloween, that's fine. It's OK to NOT LIKE something, but I am giving you the permission to do so on your own. You don't need a study or parents or doctors to tell you that putting a Ronald Reagon mask on and carrying around a pillowcase full of chocolate is a bad thing. I am giving kids all over permission to decide on Halloween by themselves.