They built ToonTown.
Sounds harmless right? Except for the fact that the location of ToonTown serves as a key plot element of the movie because it is where the main character's brother was MURDERED.
In fact, the body count in this movie is extraordinarily high, human and 'toon alike, especially for a Disney movie(I'm pretty sure there isn't a Bambi ride called, Escape from the Mean Ol' Forest Fire). But for the love of god, who thought it was a good idea to build ToonTown?
OK, so even though we never see this fateful ToonTown murder, when the characters end up going to ToonTown, they engage in numerous moving violations, a car accident due to negligence, two shootings and aggravated assault. Hey, Michael Eisner! I've got a great idea for a new addition to Disneyland! I call it Hilarious Spanish Harlem! Or better yet, as an addition to your ridiculous California Adventure attraction, where you can buy beer and wine, let's build The Wonderful World of Compton! How about adding a ride in FrontierLand- Chinese Opium Slave Whore Den! The kids won't know the difference because they'll be laughing with glee as they chase the dragon for the first time!
I'd love to meet the kid that JUST watched Roger Rabbit before going to ToonTown in Disneyland, and his parents hold him by the hand as the kid staggers, horrified, into the attraction- constantly looking over his shoulder for ex-con toons- you know, the ones with the tear drops drawn on to their cheeks, and the barbed wire inked around their arms. His parents wonder why their child is terrified by such a colorful and goofy locale!
Now I know that some of you will draw parallels to other murderous rides as Disneyland, but I can't think of any other rides or attractions that are based on something so completely evil. The only one that comes close is Pirates of the Caribbean, the original with the raping pirates, not the "hungry" pirates. But that ride doesn't really have any death implied or involved. Splash Mountain has it's problems, like how scary it gets (go to your laughing place) and it's origin from the delightfully racist, Song of the South. But nothing comes close to the deadly gang-infested, crime-ridden streets of ToonTown.
To whomever was responsible for ToonTown being built, congratulations on a battle won for diversity- you've given the jailhouse toons, the Crip and Blood toons, the pedophile toons, the toons with the Boost Mobile phones and gold teeth, a place to go where they can live as they want to- in a crazed world of murder, slapstick comedy, and sight gags.
PS: I would love to have written a blog about the Hollywood Limousine "ride," from California Adventure, except that no one would REALLY know what I was talking about except for a very very few people.
I don't know if there will ever be a ride like that again...
EDITED TO ADD: here is an amazing excerpt from Wikipedia about "Superstar Limo"
"... One of the original Hollywood Backlot attractions was "SuperStar Limo," which was the only dark ride in the entire park. Its plot revolved around the guest being a celebrity who had just arrived at Los Angeles International Airport, and who is taken for a ride through Hollywood in a limousine. The humor was based on inside jokes ("Madame Leota" from The Haunted Mansion makes a cameo appearance) and obsessed fans and paparazzi, and much of it very likely went over the heads of many guests. The attraction was criticized for crude sets and characters, and was the first attraction in the park to close. It was open for less than a year, and a Monsters Inc. attraction has been constructed in its place. The Monsters Inc ride opened on January 23, 2006, following its soft opening in late December 2005."
EDIT TO ADD MORE: here is an excerpt from "The Disney Blog," that certainly serves as the flipside for this coin (http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/1685875)
January 21, 2005
Remembering Superstar Limo
I was able to visit Disney's California Adventure soon after it opened, which means I actually got to ride the infamous Superstar Limo. I already read lots of negative buzz before my visit, so I definitely made a point to experience it, since I had a feeling it wouldn't be around for long (and the non-existent line was another clue!). Of course, the attraction pretty much was what I expected, and since that one ride I've read so many jokes and jeers about it that even my own memories were altered into thinking it was the worst attraction conceivable.
Well, I recently watched the SuperStar Limo DVD from the Extinct Attractions Club, and it's not nearly as bad as I remembered! Some of the caricatured animatronics are actually kind of clever (even with limited movement), and even though 90% of the sets are painted flats, it's still really colorful and fun. The queue featured some cool graphic design, and the purple limo ride vehicles themselves were on a par with the cabs in Roger Rabbit's Car-Toon Spin (minus the spin). There was even a quick Madame Leota parody that I had completely forgotten! On the other hand, I'm amazed at how terrible the CG Joan Rivers and the agent were!
I'm looking forward to whatever happens to this attraction, since anything is better than keeping it closed. I'm certainly in favor of a Monsters, Inc. attraction, but I'm kind of hoping they keep the limos in the theme somehow.
EDITED TO ADD ANOTHER BLOG ENTRY: Go here for a longer description of all things Superstar Limo. This one is especially good for a few reasons: 1.) The blogger stood outside the exit and listened to people talk about the ride as they left, 2.) It's from a site entitled "LaughingPlace.com" and 3.) he defends the fact that the ride is going to get better after they 'revamp' it. HA! Go here- LAUGHINGPLACE.COM
EDITED TO ADD: GOD'S WOUNDS! I FOUND PICTURES!!! AAAAHHHH!!!
Crowds are screaming for more Whoopi!
Look! It's Drew Carey!
God Bless the internet!
Signature of Jeff Crocker
6/8/06
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