I really should be playing videogames right now

I've been working more lately, which is all fine and dandy, but it's SUCH a nice day out and I really should be playing videogames.

I mean, come on, what better way to spend the last day of summer than by sitting inside and thrashing punks in Streets of Rage? Or morphing into lion-wolf beasts in Altered Beast? Or shotgunning orcs to death in Blackthorne?

I just unearthed my old copy of maybe the greatest videogame of all time- SKITCHIN'. As a Sega Genesis kid, I always wondered if they could possibly make a better videogame than Road Rash- you know, the game where you were a motorcycle racer, except it was more about beating people to near death and watching them fall off their bikes and die screaming across the red asphalt. Oh yeah, without getting caught by the cops, because letting the open road murder your enemy is still a crime in the lower 48.

But Skitchin' did it. It was Road Rash, except instead of being a motorcycle racer you were- ready for this?- A PROFESSIONAL ROLLERBLADER. And you were in a race to win, and you could beat up your opponents, but the key was this- you were racing through two way traffic and while you were "skatin'" you could "hitch'"onto the backs of cars and use them to speed in front of your opponents- hence "Skitchin'"

Sure, you had pipes and chains and baseball bats to beat the snot out of the other rollerbladers, but the real fun was staying next to them, whack them a few times with a two by four into oncoming traffic and watch them take a beige Chevy Tahoe to the noggin, sending them floating through the air only to hit a billboard and get picked up by the cops. AWE. SOME.

Halo can go fuck itself. Skitchin' was the apex of modern videogaming.