My Week in Review

Haven't posted anything in a week or so, so I'm going to be somewhat mundane and run down the somewhat packed week that I have had:

Monday: Holy shit. AC/DC, the greatest rock band blows the fucking walls (for real) off the Great Western Forum in one of the greatest concerts I will ever see in my lifetime. I have been waiting for this concert, along with my girlfriend, for YEARS; and I am happy to report that it was every goddamn bit as awesome as I could have expected- MORE SO. UN-BE-LEE-VABLE.

Tuesday: I had stayed up after the concert the night before to power through the last bits of the last animated short for the SuperEgo Live show. I didn't finish, but came very close before I completely crashed. Then it was rehearsal for most of the day, at the end of which I started catching my girlfriend's cold. Blorch. The dress rehearsal, the only one we did, went well and I was feeling sick, but pretty confident in the show. Home for lots and lots of tea and OJ and animating into the early morning to finish the last animation.

Wednesday: Day of the show! The Show! Superego Live! … I realize that I didn't really promote it too much on MySpace, probably because I was feeling overwhelmed with self-promotion these last few weeks. That being said, I spent the morning outputting new compressed versions of all three brand new Superego Supershorts, charging camera batteries and getting the last odds and ends together for the show.

I made three new shorts in about two weeks, two animated, one live action (blue-screen, so nothing but compositing), and I am pretty impressed with myself that they all got completed and I'm pretty happy with the way they turned out.

Why was I re-compressing, you tech geeks ask? Because Mark Bommarito, our crack stage tech expert, plugged us into CueLab, a cue running program on his laptop that he can just plug into our projector and run ALL our sound AND video cues from with the touch of a button. I was in nerd heaven.

We had a quick run through with the whole Shunt McGuppin, Mutt Taylor, and the Journeymen Six Pack (Cubby Lauderborne, Luggs Harvey, Tits "Hammerhand" Hamrahan, and Hal Ratliff).

In no time it was time for the show- and I have to say it was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had in a long time. Audio clips, like from the podcast; live action, largely improvised sketches of some classic Superego characters; new Supershorts, as mentioned above; and then the band.

It was a delightful night, with a packed house of good friends.

Thursday: Load out at the theater after a good hard nights sleep. Then I needed to power through some work for a pitch presentation for a puppet show I was helping a friend on. And I needed desperately to clean my apartment. Like, FOR REAL.

Sadly, I didn't finish cleaning my apartment nearly as much I needed, but I made…headway.

Friday: Good morning at Portfolio's, doing some job searching, saying hi to my barber, Al, and I finally started editing my novel I wrote last year. I want to get it ready to ask friends to read and comment on in the new year. It was exciting to get started on that, something I had been meaning to do…allegedly…for a year. At least it started.

Then up to the west side to return one of the cameras used to tape the Superego show. Then back to PV and another coffee shop (excessive), for more editing and job searching.

And finally, I had dinner with my parents and we went to see Seth Cohen's directorial debut at my alma mater, a melodrama called Face on the Barroom Floor.

And now I'm at my girl's place unwinding and catching up internets, my RSS feeds, and just kicking my feet up.

The next few weeks, I'll post up the new Superego stuff, as well as some artwork that I've been working on and other crafty projects I'm trying to get finished before the year end.

Back!

Wow. So much to talk about. Hello again everybody that is still on MySpace, and well, thanks for keeping on MySpace. As you might know from the previous entry, I was taken away from blogging duties by National Novel Writing Month these past 29 days. I hope that everyone had a delightful Thanksgiving feast with family and/or friends.

First off, National Novel Writing Month (I hate referring to it as NaNoWriMo, however truncated it makes the whole thing)- as of 11:11 PM last night, I finished my second novel to the tune of 60,037 words which space out to be 115-ish pages. So that's done. I'll try and post an excerpt one of these days...but...well, we'll get to that.

Then there is Justin- I'm going to bring it down a bit. Last month, my barber died. Justin Lovato cut my hair at Hawleywood's Barbershop for just about two years and he gave me the best haircuts I've had in my life. He was a really good guy and he had lived a tough life, but cutting hair had really brought a new meaning to his life. It was devastating to hear about this, just devastating. But he isn't forgotten- you can read a story about him here, as well as there is a whole pictorial about Hawleywood's Barbershop in Long Beach, down the street from my house, in the newest issue of Inked magazine.(Dec, with Pink on the cover; also you can get a free digital subscription at their website) Pick up a copy and you can see Justin in all his tattooed coolness.

Thirdly, if you can see JCVD in the theaters, I recommend you do so. What is it? You can find the trailer online as well as a synopsis, but the short of it is- Jean Claude Van Damme plays Jean Claude Van Damme and it's fucking powerful. Powerful like Jean Claude Van Damme. It's part action movie, part drama, with a nice dash of experimental and independent flavoring.

Fourthly, Superego Live is shaping up to be a very very exciting show; I think that anyone that is around and gets a chance to see it is going to have a good ol' time in Long Beach with the utter insanity of our live performance. There will be comedy. There will be cartoons. There will be music. There will be a number of absurd comedy sketches that must be seen to be believed. Head over to the Superego website for all the information and to catch up on the hours of podcasts that already exist.

Fifthly, I'd like to talk about how utterly shitty 2008 has been and the only thing that makes it even shittier is that it's becoming so shitty that it's starting to blur all the cool stuff that has happened this year, which makes me feel awful. Townland released an album and went on a tour this year! I worked for Stan Winston Studios! I worked for Adult Swim(again)! I was creative and lived on my own schedule for almost the entire year. But all that has sort of lead me into this spiral of angst and frustration and stress.

Let me put it in perspective- last year, I decided that if I finished my novel for National Novel Writing Month, I would buy myself a new TV. By the end of the year I didn't have enough money to do it and this year, I'm sitting here watching my old shitty TV. Nothing's changed. I'm just more frustrated. Stagnant.

And finally, speaking of stagnant, let's talk about MySpace:

I would try and tell people to NOT give up on MySpace, except it's way too late for that- everyone has jumped ship to Facebook already. There are people on Facebook that were never on MySpace and I don't…really…see the benefit. Facebook has its advantages I suppose and it's got some nice simple features, but there isn't any blog function and the "pages" idea is well-intentioned for the user, but it doesn't really do much for the bands and film and such that want fans and worldwide exposure. It just doesn't make sense. Everyone is dumping one way of communication for an equally awkward one.

So in the interest of keeping up, and seeing as no one is on MySpace except my loyal readers(Thank you), I'll probably be transferring my regular blogging to a Wordpress or Tumblr sometime at the beginning of the new year. I'll keep you posted as to where and how you can continue to follow my exploits.

I'll probably be around here more often before the big move! So have a great weekend and keep gnawing on those leftover turkey legs!

Hiatus

Happy Halloween!

Been mildly busy with job-hunting (NO LUCK!) and a couple small projects, plus I've been ramping up for my November hiatus from blogging, also known as National Novel Writing Month.

I'm pretty excited to have the challenge, but as I've said before to various people- I really would much rather fail this month because it would mean that I had a job that took up all my time.

I try to make each day a chapter so there are easy breaks between days. I couldn't continue a thought after letting an unfinished chapter sit overnight. This year, I've got a brief chapter by chapter (title only) outline for a dramatic science-fiction novel. I found out last year at the NaNoWriMo(abbreviattion!) "wrap party," which was another story all together, that apparently they've changed the genre of the kind of science-fiction I like from science-fiction to Speculative Fiction.

I love sci-fi that takes place in the near future with robots and laser guns and space ships, but has to do with human problems and the like. Like Blade Runner. I guess that is now speculative fiction, rather than straigh up science fiction.

So is science fiction like Star Wars? or Star Trek? because if we're really dividing sci-fi up, I would place Star Trek into SCIENCE fiction, which means Star Wars is placed in the category of Totally Sweet Laser-sword Fiction.

Right, literature? Am I doing this right? Is that where we're going you snobby, Nathaniel Hawthorne loving, tricorder-festishizing, dildo?

I should save my razor sharp wit for the NOVEL I am about to write. See all you hiney-touchers in a month! Have a safe and happy halloween and a dangerous and sorrowful Dia de Los Muertos!

Another Year Another Novel

Last year, I signed up for and successfully completed Nation Novel Writing Month. It was lots of fun and definitely exciting. Very tense trying to tap out 2000 words a day to meet the deadline of 50,000 words in a month. That's about a hundred single spaced pages for anyone keeping track; no Jodi Piccoult or Johnny Grisham, but a solid effort none-the-less.

I can't remember if I ever posted an excerpt from my novel last year, but…I probably should- if I remember it seemed to have some good passages. To be honest, I never fully finished the thing beyond the first slam-bang super-rough draft. I have it printed out and literally sitting on my desk with a red pen clipped on it, its just hard to get motivated to sit down and EDIT A NOVEL. The catch22 is that I want friends to help with the critique, but only after I've made the first pass, but I haven't made the first pass so I can give it to friends. Lame.

Also, this year I think I wouldn't mind failing, quitting, and coming up short if it meant I had a job and was working and making money, because that is NOT HAPPENING right now and it needs to start happening. I want writing a novel to be the thing that gets sacrificed, even though I hate stopping work on anything, I'm going to make an exception this November.

But the possibility exists that I might complete the novel AND find adequate employment, however, if its got to be one or the other- the words will still be available when I'm dead fucking broke.

At least let me pass the mantle on to all of you! I highly recommend you head over to http://www.nanowrimo.com and sign up for something that will be a huge accomplishment in your life. If you do it and complete the task(2000 words a day isn't as hard as you may think if you are regular typist), then before the end of the year you will have written a novel; which is something that not everyone can say they've done. Go for it!

The Big Pancake

When I was young and going to school every day of my life, my mother woke up at the crack of dawn, before me, and made pancakes for breakfast. She did this almost every single day. She would often mix it up during the week and the different pancakes ranged from buttermilk and whole wheat, to matzo meal and corn meal pancakes. I think this may have been what caused my undying love of pancakes as well as my desire for having constant variety in my life.

As I grow older, whenever I can, I mix up some batter, fire up the skillet and fry up some pancakes. They aren't my mom's pancakes, but it's a comfort food I can always enjoy.

But in the process of making pancakes I can always see an important aspect of what it means to be an artist, and there aren't too many foods that you can create where you get to enjoy the concept of "The Big Pancake."

"The Big Pancake" is exactly that; it's the biggest pancake in the batch made from the batter at the bottom of the bowl that you pour onto the griddle at the very end of the morning(or beginning, if you've been up late). "The Big Pancake" represents the final salvo of pancake making; the big finale of your griddlecake show; the home run knock-it-out-of-the-park pancake that- you get the idea.

You can't do that with steak.
You can't do that with a salad.
You can't do that with macaroni and cheese.

When you're making pancakes, when you get to the end, you pour the rest of the batter onto the sizzling griddle, scrape all the last buttery, milky, eggy, drips onto the pan and you grip your spatula with anticipation for the flip; and when that last pancake is done, golden brown on both sides, and you are already full of the other 15-some-odd pancakes you've wolfed down, you look at that Big Pancake and you know- it may be from the bottom of the bowl, it may not fit in your stomach easily, but that pancake has got to be the best one of the whole batch.

It's the credits rolling.
It's a standing ovation
It's happily ever after. With butter and syrup.

And what could possibly be better than that.

From Adult Swim For Your Viewing Pleasure

Here are some of the most recent "Kitten Vs. Newborn" episodes from Adult Swim:

Watch 'em, share 'em, leave a comment.

(I'm particularly proud of the graphics I did for the last video, as well as the insanity that is Campaign Hat!)

He Won’t Be Ready This Time

Conversation with a young man(5 years of age, more or less) last night at the Edendale bar:

BOY: (something incoherent)
ME: I'm sorry?
BOY: What're you going to be for Halloween?
ME: You know, I was thinking about going as an army guy.
BOY: I'm going to be Darth Vader.
ME: Nice. That's a great costume.
BOY: Darth Vader has a lightsaber.
ME: Yeah! That's awesome.
BOY: I'm also going to have a blaster.
ME: wait, what...?
BOY: Darth Vader has a lightsaber but I'm also going to have a blaster. Because I have a blaster gun at home.
ME: Blasters are awesome but isn't a lightsaber more awesome?
BOY: Yeah. I'm going to carry the blaster in my back pocket.
ME: ....so...you're going to conceal it?
BOY: Yeah.

Something tells me that Luke Skywalker isn't going to be happy by this sudden turn of events in the Star Wars story. If any of you see Luke, you might want to recommend he pat down Vader before they walk into the Emperor's Throne Room.

Sarah Silverman Programme Promo

Schrab asked us the loyal viewership to make promos for the new season of the Sarah Silverman Program. This is an effect that I have been meaning to try for a long time and I'm pretty happy with the outcome. As always, I'm already figuring out how I can make it better, faster, stronger...in the mean time, enjoy the coolness.

Sarah Silverman Programme Promo

California Cooking with Claymore Cleveland (SuperEgo)

Superego Supershort 4 • California Cooking with Claymore Cleveland from Superego on Vimeo.

New SuperEgo SuperShort! Starring Matt Gourley, Ryan Harrison Big Bill Babyman Tootsmajian Carter, and five kittens. Directed by me.

GoSuperego.com just got a facelift with embeddable video and other fun thingies. Download the new episodes, subscribe via iTunes, and if you leave a review on iTunes we'll read your name on the next podcast! INSTANT FAME!

CarBot: The REAL Transformer

This has been a long time coming- like, a year. (I should know by now that it takes me about a year to finish most personal art projects, because I need to put something down for the Crocker Standard Artistic Gestating Period (CSAGP) of ten months.)
(MORE, FULL SIZE PICS ON MY FLICKR PAGE)



Anyway, the challenge I posed to myself after being underwhelmed by the design of the robots in Michael Bay's Transformers was to build a model as close to an actual Transformer as possible; meaning, NO MAGICAL PARTS could appear to bulk up the end result.

What makes Transformers so amazing (for me) is that an inventor, took a physical toy car and created a puzzle that every little boy has to solve to get a robot and back again. It's so impressive and fun. To me Tranformers have always been about the toys, rather than the cartoon or …that movie, which is really based on the cartoon.*



I bought a plastic car model, sketched a quick, basic design, and set to work chopping the car up and piecing together a physical robot where the feet transformed from the back half of the car, the engine became head, and the doors opened into arms. I did, in fact, run out of pieces to make the robot have any limb definition, and as a result, used up the plastic frames the pieces came from, cutting them into conduits and skeletal components where needed(mostly the legs and forearms).



Painting is a struggle for me, mostly because I always change my process and can never decide on colors. For this guy, I primed him white with Krylon flat white, and then masked off the panels that would have the car's color and sprayed the rest of the undercarriage and inner parts black. Some of these components should have been painted before gluing, namely the interior of the car, which was a colossal headache later on in the process (two-fold really: I didn't spray it darker earlier and then when I DID start painting it, I was paying far too much attention to detail for something that was going to be completely covered up and obscured.)



What you see here is the original light blue color I mixed. My thought process was this- I didn't want to do yellow like Bumblebee and I didn't want to do the nice dark purple from the model's package; I can't do white because it would look weird and silver was too close to white. I started with blue and then after letting the model sit half painted for months, changed my mind and settled on the semi-drab metallic green you see here. I feel much better about the green because I remember my mom's old Carmen Ghia having this faded green color, as well as a Mustang on the street where I grew up.




So there you go. Mission Accomplished! A 1971 Plymouth Barracuda Transformer that is built (theoretically) using only machinery available from the mass of the actual car.

MORE PICTURES AT MY FLICKR PAGE




*The animation that ILM created for the movie's transformations was really cool. However, if you pay attention, you can count on one hand the number of actual fully-on-screen transformations that take place. Most of them with Bumblebee.

Here Today, Numberwang Tomorrow

Today: I was on set all day working special effects with a projectile-vomit rig I built the last couple of days. It was a hoot. I'll post the video whence it is completed. It felt good to build something and shoot it out over the last few days. My mom always said that I love building things and moms know these things.

Currently: I am ripped on delicious wine and watching TV with my girl. What a delightful Sunday, can't think of a better way to spend it.

Tomorrow: Lots to do that I didn't do last week as well as finishing a couple of fun projects and posting pictures of a finished model! Sweetums!

Now: Here are some selections from "That Mitchell and Webb Look;" A british sketch comedy show my girl wised me up to and this stuff is HIGH-LARIOUS. That's Numberwang!

(Also, the last one down is really really funny. But they all are. but especially the last one. And NumberWang.)

Fake Tilt-Shift Photography

As many of you know, I love miniatures and miniature photography particularly when it has to do with moon bases and space trains (and more than likely said moon bases and space trains blowing up). Anyhow, there is a type of photography you may have heard of called tilt-shift photography which makes things look like miniatures by altering the point of focus and mimicking the focal plane of a macro lens, making the human eye think the subject is much smaller than it actually is.

Stupidly, Wikipedia has a whole entry on "tilt-shift miniature faking" which I think is such a stupid name for it, because it's not really faking anything. If you built a highly detailed miniature, you'll photographic to look real, but you also want people to know you've made a highly detailed miniature.

Regardless, tilt-shift lenses are staggeringly expensive and since I don't even have a nice SLR to attach a fancy-pantsy lens to, I had to settle for some point and shoot pics I took while out and about in Long Beach yesterday, then used photoshop to create a macro lens effect and heavily saturated the color. Tilt-shift photography works best from high angles, but I didn't have access to any high angles of the city (Jesse- can I come by your loft with my camera one day?), so I just took some street level photos.

These are the ones that worked the best.







Also, if any resident optics nerds have anything to add, feel free.

Breaking Ze Mold!

Stereotypes, we know them, we hate them, we embrace them, we mock them, we rebuke them, but we all use them at some point in our lives. Personally, I'm always uncomfortable when stereotypes are reinforced in any way, like when everyone told me that everyone speaks English in Europe and then I went to Europe and English was everywhere.

So you can imagine my surprise when I met a hilarious French guy, Sebastian, this weekend who hated France and thought that America's government and people were way better than those in his home country- a country stereotyped by it's people laughing and mocking our entire way of life.

Sebastian is a smiley, rotund man who works as- I couldn't possibly make this up- a TEMP physicist. He has a delightful outlook on life, but only outside of Paris, which he doesn't seem to think is as awesome as the rest of the world. I mean, I guess I take a lot most of Southern California for granted, but it's no Paris. Still, Sebastian was exclaiming to me how utterly horrid the government of France is and I kept trying to tell him that things weren't going so hot in our country. But he would not give me an inch and he had a pretty good point- at least we are constantly given the hope of change(yes, I know the coincidence of a certain someone's campaign message).

Among other things, people talk about Los Angeles with disdain for the concrete and plastic architecture that surrounds us seeing as the city is 160 years old, whereas Paris has stood for 6200 years. !!! When things stand for over 6 millenia, I can see how change starts to come slower and slower. When you've been around for the better part of two centuries, and those two centuries exhibit some of the fastest evolution of ideology and technology in the history of a species of mammal, then I can see how Los Angeles and America may change a lot more than Paris, France.

My best wishes go out to Sebastian and the handful of other non-stereotypical French out there that are living in the horrible city of Paris, France. I will continue to appreciate my Angeleno heritage and go see the RoboCop version of the Mona Lisa on Hollywood Blvd, next to the Louvre of wax museums.

BOHICA movie trailer I cut

Here is the trailer for B.O.H.I.C.A, the independent movie I worked on last year. Do a solid and pass it on to fans of independent cinema and the afghanistan war.

Trailer


Plus sign + there is a new episode of Kitten Vs. Newborn on SuperDeluxe.com

Pay Attention: DNC and RNC footage

(Finally found the embed links to these guys so I can post them right up in this here blogtown)

Politics sure can be adorable. Have a great weekend!

Hot Scolioses Chick or So Much Content, So Little Time

I was going to write a blog about the stacked, crooked chick I saw at the Village Cafe on Sunday morning, and how her ailment accented her large breasts and cute, round ass, but I got sidetracked and didn't finish it. There's a whole world of girls out there with just a little something that's off- that somehow in my mind, makes them all the hotter stuff. For instance, a girl in college that was involved with the short fiction reading series I started came up to me to tell me how much fun she had and when she removed her glasses she had one severely crossed eye; but she was really really hot.

And now- more content that I have been too lazy to post until now.

It happened right after Townland got back from tour so I might have been too exhausted to let everyone know, but that's OK- there's just more to share now!

KITTEN VS. NEWBORN has premiered on AdultSwim.com! You can find the two candidates at their respective sites:

Republican business tycoon Frank Tambanelli, a newborn baby - http://www.babyforpresident.com/

Democratic Senator Brad Esposito, an adorable kitten - http://www.kitten08.org/

There is lots to explore on both sites, including the "Campaign Headquarters" link that takes you SuperDeluxe.com and to all the other media we created for the show. New episodes are being released, er, UNLEASHED every week and today or tomorrow they should be releasing the two hilarious convention episodes.

Since AdultSwim.com don't got no credits, I can tell my loyal MySpace blog readership that I was the visual effects supervisor making sure that the cats, babies, and peoples were properly lit against the green/bluescreen as well as developing the backgrounds and graphics for the whole show. Andy & Scott wrote and produced everything in all its hilarious satire.

Of course, a web series like this can't succeed without your eyeballs and the eyeballs or your friends, so do a solid and pass the links on so others can appreciate the presidential race by the real frontrunners of 2008.

AND! I can't believe I never posted this-


Superego: Supershort 3: Gettin' Laid With Rutherford B. Hayes from Matt Gourley on Vimeo.

On top of that- The SuperEgo Podcast just relaunched on iTunes with a brand new packed episode* featuring fancy-pantses like Jason Sudeikis(SNL, 30 Rock) and Joe Lo Truglio (Superbad, Pineapple Express) as well as your old friends Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, and Mark McConville.

Follow the link above and subscribe to SuperEgo to robotically download all the new episodes as well as a bevy of new short videos, like the pretty little thing above, whenever they are released.

Whew! So much! Thanks for reading. I've been busy wrapping up the final few episodes of Kitten Vs. Newborn and looking for new work, preferably out of the freelancing realm and into the office with a steady paycheck realm. But beggars can't be choosers.

Hope everyone had a good relaxing Labor day!




* Damon- you get your name mentioned in the end credits!

Been a while

Hello what's left of my MySpace blog readership.

I would tell you where I've been but it's not that exciting. In fact there are a lot of clouds and what looks to be leftover teenage angst floating around.

I will tell you that the all the MySpace redesigning and tweaking has really undermined my desire to blog; the silver lining is that I am getting back into futzing with a big-boy blog on my website Crockeronline.com.

Really all this falls under what has been under my skin for the last year or so- SELF PROMOTION. I fight it and fight it and fight it; but in the realm of web content, er, NEW MEDIA, something that is affecting so many of us more and more these days- it's beginning to be a desperately important aspect of making one's way in on the world wide tube(someday, we'll all start saying internet again without having to think up a snarky different name for it).

In the past few months I have been forcing myself to be a more diligent self-promoter and I thank you all for putting up with me. SEE?! I have to apologize for all the MySpace postings about my band, or web shows, or whatever. I shouldn't have to do that. I should be proud of the things I have done and be excited to share it all with you.

And I am. I am proud of all the blogs and Townland CD hawkings, the SuperEgo Supershorts and Kitten Vs. Newborn episodes. It's all what makes me super happy to have an outlet with a devoted readership to write for and like the salad days of the Damon Gentry/Jeff Crocker MySpace Blog challenge, I strive to make everything better for each and every one of you. Because you deserve the best in Jeff Crocker news- and by hook or by crook, you're going to get it.

Which means i'm going to move over to Wordpress as soon as I get everything working properly with MySQL databases and PHPadmin servers.

What is Your Armageddon?

In the acclaimed film "Armageddon," the world is threatened by a giant asteroid, and NASA turns to the ONE PERSON in the entire world that can save humanity- Bruce Willis. Willis' character is a regular joe, owns an oil rig and has spent his whole life working his fingers to the bone. But in this infinitely specific case, he is the only person in the world that has the skill set to save the entire planet.

So here's my question to you all: Based on your own specific skill set- the things that you have spent your life working with, playing with, tinkering with- what is the calamity that would threaten Earth that ONLY YOU could prevail over?

For instance: If some sort film visual effect came to life and started menacing the world, and only spoke the language of contemporary short story authors, and it's main weakness was God of War II, moustaches, and knowledge about the 1954 version of Journey to the Center of the Earth, the world's leaders would call me to save everyone from certain doom.

I ask you to put this question to yourself as well as your friends- What is your Armageddon?

Freeway by Aimee Mann

Here is the Aimee Mann video I worked on a month ago with Michael Blieden; i did it all the weekend of Jenny and Derek's wedding. Pretty fun. I really like the song and it gets in your head right away, so don't be surprised if you find yourself humming it the rest of the day.

Click here: FREEWAY BY AIMEE MANN

It's on Michael's personal site at wonderfully high resolution, so it's going to load slowly and if it jumps around, feel free to clicky over to Aimee's site to see it- http://www.aimeemann.com/media.php?vid=4

Also, Super High Me is out on DVD and available where fine DVDs can be purchased or rented. Personally, I haven't been able to find it at Best Buy (boo), but you are encouraged to queue it up on Netflix, or buy it off Amazon. (Also, there is a VARIANT cover considered "conservative art," in case you are offended or nauseated by a man with forty joints crammed in his maw.)

Also also! Very exciting! Andy and Scott's new show, KITTEN VS. NEWBORN will be premiering ONE WEEK FROM TODAY on ADULTSWIM.COM. It was originally slated for another website, but Adult Swim picked it up and we're all but locked to premiere on July 8th on AdultSwim.com. Kitten Vs. Newborn is a political satire show about an intense presidential campaign race for America's votes, and their hearts. Episodes should be running once a week up until the election in November! That's like, almost 20 weeks of hilarious new episodes.

I think that's it. How are all you?

Crazy or Bluetooth: On the Beach

Crazy or Bluetooth is a game that is played when you least expect it. When some one is crazy, you can tell; when someone is having a conversation on a Bluetotoh enabled headset, you can tell. This game is for every other time.

I was running on the beach yesterday, much to my chagrin, and was panting like a dog in the 8AM 900-degree heat. Yikes.

A large man, with a significant belly and a ratty ponytail, wearing a bluetooth earpiece was approaching me on the opposite side of the running path. His sunglassed eyes seemed to track me while he said:

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Donald Sutherland!"

So, Crazy or Bluetooth?

Some Letters I Wrote While in Slow-Internet Purgatory

Dear "It's a Grind" coffee house,

This frosty coffee drink and flamenco music IS NOT RELAXING IN ANY WAY.

Love,
Jeff

PS: Your name isn't that punny.

PPS: Go fuck yourself and your shitty internet.


Dear God of War II,

You are awesome. I wish I could play you forever and ever and we have fun and get milkshakes and then ride bikes together. Also, remember that time I screamed at you? I'm sorry, I was just overwhelmed with excitement and emotion. We cool?

Love,
Jeff



Dear The Internet,

Why are you such a harsh mistress? Why can't you provide me with the best blogs ALL the time? Why don't you work in the comfort of my own home where you I use you AND play God of War II.

Love,
Jeff


Dear Overwhelming Amount of Work I have to do,

I'm glad I'm busy, but seriously- some of us have God of War II to play and you aren't helping me and Kratos defeat the Sisters of Fate and change our destiny so we can kill Zeus, King of the Gods. But I guess you're cool. Wanna come over and play God of War II later?

Love,
Jeff

E-Mail to Amazon.com customer service department

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Why is there no Deadliest Catch video game?

Why is there no Deadliest Catch video game?

Or Man Vs. Wild video game? (or Survivorman, which is FAR superior to MvW.)

Why is there no Ax Men video game, or Ice Road Truckers video game?

Why is there no Shackleton! video game?

Why is there no Hamlet video game?

I would ask why there is no Metamorphosis video game, EXCEPT THERE IS. It's an old school PC game called Bad Mojo, where you are a dude turned into a cockroach and you have to travel around a dirty apartment and a dirty bar evading traps and predators, and at one point you get to ride a moth.

Why is there no Seven Samurai video game?

Why is there no Poseidon Adventure video game?

Why is there no Fantastic Voyage video game?

Why is there no Brief History of Time video game?

Why is there no Iliad video game?

Why is there no Lolita vid- actually, let's get to the other ones first.

Saturday Story

A bit of a change from normal bloggy times, here is a short story I wrote last night.
PS. Why doesn't MySpace let you indent?

Monday in the Park
By Jeff Crocker

I might as well have been staring into the sun, that's how I felt I was spending my time. Instead, I was in the park playing chess with a ninety year old man that was lecturing me about the greatest generation and manners and cell phones and oh-my-god-just-please-make-a-move-so-this-game-will-end-before-you-do.
"You know what I mean, kid?"
I grunted and motioned a hand for him to make his move. Subtlety is a specialty of mine, as is patience, and when I start to run short of both, someone walks around with a shiner and crooked nose the next day no matter what your age.
"It's like people your age, not you of course-"
Of course.
"-just don't even pay attention to what is going on around them."
I am going to try and psychically move his rook now. Rook. Rook. Rook.
"When I was a child, we had plenty to do all day and didn't need video games and cell phones and Tama-gotchees!"
Rookrookrookrookrookrookrookrookrookrookrook.
The man moved his pawn one square forward and the glossy plastic non-denominational foot soldier appeared to politely ask to be taken off the playing field.
I understand your pain, sweet pawn. Unfortunately, like me, you will be made to suffer.
If I hated myself, I would sit here and see how long it took him to notice me not touching a single piece on the board. But I'm a completist- I will end what I begin whether I llike it or not. I'm pretty sure at one time and ex-girlfriend called that my greatest asset (which is why she broke up with me), and it clearly is my greatest weakness as well.
"Oh, is it my move?"
I held up a hand indicating a polite, "please hold," when I really wanted to indicate an impolite, "are you fucking kidding me?"
"It's like all that global warming nonsense they talk about in the papers all the time. I've been alive for ninety three years and the weather feels the same every year. Hot in the summer, cold in the winter, varying degrees of both in between."
Every chess board in the park was being used right now and I wondered if the other seats were smoldering with sulfur like mine was right now. I've been having epiphanies about god for every religion since this game started.
First there was no God. Then no Jesus or Muhammed. In the second hour I gave up on Buddha and the Halle Bop comet, and now I was even considering dropping Joe Smith, but didn't want to be too hasty.
"My brigade in the second great war was the meanest, toughest sons of bitches in the whole damn European theater, from D-Day to Berlin. You're goddamnright we were tough as nails."
Seriously? Am I on a reality show? You know how in high school they name all the seniors 'most likely to' something? I felt like I was just voted most likely to die and be stuck in purgatory on a beautiful day playing chess with someone who will never ever stop talking forever. In reality, next to my sad picture of me in a ill-fitting sports coat, under a list of extracurricular activities and sports I was in, it says, "Most likely to be an expatriate."
I wish I had been in the chess club.

Freelancing

What have I been up to? Freelancing!


toothpastefordinner.com

To Landmark, Or Not to Landmark

They are all over Los Angeles- Historic Landmarks. Some are very well known for their unbelievable architecture, some are well known for their cultural significance, and some are…well…just there.

LA's finest example of a Historic Landmark, being that it is a National Historic Landmark (instead of just a municipal one), is the legendary Bradbury building in Downtown. You might remember it from it's prominent role in "Blade Runner" or "Double Indemnity." It's an amazing piece of work and I don't think anyone disputes the Bradbury's Historic Landmark status.

One of my favorite hangouts in LA, which also happens to be downtown and a Historic Landmark, is the Hotel Figueroa. Filled with Moroccan décor and home of the delightful Veranda Bar, it's a wonderful place to get a drink and relax in the heart of ye olde smoggy city.

Many many more famous buildings have been granted Landmark status: The Hollywood Bowl, Heritage Square, Angeles Heights district, The Palace Theater(now called The Avalon, I think…), The Los Angeles Zoo, Wayfarer's Chapel (crazy, all glass chapel over looking the ocean), and Yamashiro Restaurant- to name just a few.

One of the reasons why the Conservancy exists is to preserve the structure of these important landmarks. Which…is where we start to get into trouble.

Very often, landmark status can hinder the ability to improve a structure or alter it in some way. Which is why we often see businesses mismatched with their respective housings.

Shortly after The Big Lebowski was released and became a cult sensation, Holly Star Lanes, the bowling alley where all the movie was shot, was torn down. But not after a significantly long fight to try and get it landmark status thus making it impossible to tear the structure down. But flatten it they did- and now there is a new elementary school where it once stood. Famous bowling alley? Or new elementary school. I know- tough choice.

Today I ran across an article about the Bob's Big Boy on Wilshire, across from The awesomely art deco Hollywood Reporter building is being closed and the staff is being evicted by July 1st. This is the Bob's where David Lynch would go every single day and have like, a hundred cups of coffee, while he was brainstorming Twin Peaks and Blue Velvet. Point for Bob's to stay, I guess. Also, they want to tear it down and build A BMW dealership and showroom. Another point for Bob's right?

Here's an argument against Bob's Big Boy being granted Historic Landmark status: It's a FUCKING Bob's Big Boy. It's a diner with mediocre diner food, built in 1972- not Frank Lloyd Wright's fucking Ennis House.

I don't think Mid-Wilshire needs another stupid luxury car dealership, but I'm pretty sure we don't need to save the Bob's Big Boy structure.

Being able to save buildings in our cities is awesome and important, and I sympathize with the many lost structures that I'm sure we wish we could have saved. But change is just as an important part of our culture and society, as the preservation of unique and important architecture.

(Also, just noticed this- apparently all my snobby knowledge of Los Angeles Architecture comes from Blade Runner.)

This Works For Me (music!)

The internet is a vast and fascinating tool used to illegally download music to your hearts content until the Earth is overrun by zombies and Skynet destroys the zombie race.

That being said, it still cannot help you find a song in a different language, especially if the one lyric you think you know, is completely wrong.

And THAT being said, that doesn't mean I haven't been up for three hours whittling away at Google in every possible manner until I found the song I was looking for, thankfully, from another curious searcher with as little information as I had.

But found it I did.


..
Click here to get Free Ca Plane Pour Moi MP3 at EZ-Tracks.com


Ca Plane Pour Moi - Plastic Bertrand - 1977
First of all, sorry for the auto-play; I hate that, but I love that I can embed this song.
This version is awesome, though the one I downloaded off iTunes is slightly different.
It's in a hundred movies and commercials, which you would think would help me find it as it's ubiquity(word?) in film and TV, but you'd be wrong.
The song has the same instrumental track as Jet Boy, Jet Girl by Elton Motello; because a bunch of the band members are the same.

And here is a crazy YouTube video of Plastic Bertrand performing their hit single.


I'm going to sleep now. Satisfied.

And the winner of the internet. Thanks for playing!

The Billy Letters

Oh my awesomeness, this is completely insane and wonderful and, i mean, INSANE.

Here's a brief synopsis: a dude writes letters to infamous people around the country posing as a 10-year-old boy asking for advice. He received many responses published here. Radar magazine, the link provided, asks the dude to write again to the people that responded, now, thanking them for their advice.

People Billy writes to: The Unabomber, The NightStalker, Justice Clarence Thomas (asking about McDonald's), Alan greenspan, Larry Flynt and many more. None of the serial killer ones are scary, but a tad creepy. Charles Manson's letters are so fucking competely out-of-this-fucking-world insane, i was choking from laughing so hard.

CLICK HERE:LINK TO RADAR MAGAZINE: THE BILLY LETTERS

Open Letter to the Table Next to Me at the Coffee Shop

I just had a quick question to the six of you folks, all ages, mostly white, having a nice chat on a Saturday morning:

Can you take the guy with the Hitler moustache and shaved head seriously? Because I can't, and it's making it more uncomfortable that none of you have mentioned it to him.

Have a nice weekend,
Jeff

Good Question

I've been experimenting with all sorts of quasi-health foods lately. I don't know why. The other day I bought Morningstar Farms veggie sausage breakfast patties and they were delicious. Surprisingly delicious. Then I went to the market and decided to try Morningstar Buffalo Wings, I know, which was a risk. They are completely fake chicken stuff but were really quite delicious.

So I was at Whole Foods yesterday and meandering down the cereal/baked goods aisle, I saw some sort of more-healthy-than-not Chocolate Chip cookie mix, and I thought, sure- why not?

I'll tell you why not. These were the Most. Disgusting. Things. I have ever eaten in the history of ingestion. Now I know many of you are sitting there smirking those knowing crooked smiles saying to yourself (or others), "DUH! Jeff, I could have told you that wheat-flour chocolate chip cookies would be horrible! No brainer!"

I know. I should have known better, but I had such high hopes that the world of healthy junk food had progessed in the last seven years. What was wrong with these choclate chip atrocities? How about everything! The texture: mealy. The taste: oily. The healthy factor: pretty high as I wanted to throw up the last fourteen meals I had eaten after taking a bit of these culinary war crimes.

So, the moral of the story, besides reassuring me that my gag reflex is still active, is to stick with cookies made only from butter, sugar, and chocolate.

Also, Bonus Top Ten List!

Top Ten Movies NOT to Watch if You Have Ingested Food Within the Last 72 Hours

10. David Cronenberg's The Fly
9. David Cronenberg's The Fly
8. David Cronenberg's The Fly
7. David Cronenberg's The Fly
6. David Cronenberg's The Fly
5. David Cronenberg's The Fly
4. David Cronenberg's The Fly
3. David Cronenberg's Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights
2. David Cronenberg's The Fly
1. David Cronenberg's The Fly

Half a Dozen Possibly Irrational Fears

Laptop Ball Sterilization – I sit here with my laptop on my lap, feeling quite odd. I feel like every time I open a program and the hard drive spins up, my balls are losing years off their illuminated existences. Remember when cell phones were giving everyone brain tumors? I feel like laptops are sterilizing a whole generation of guys and that it’s going to result in the world portrayed in Children of Men. If that happens, can I be Clive Owen?

Car Insurance Conspiracy – Ok, I don’t fear car insurance so much as I hate it; what I fear is the conspiracy surrounding the insanely high prices I pay for having a tiny, fuel efficient foreign car and a good, nay- great!- driving record. Why? WHY?! It makes no sense. I’m forced to pay for this thing that I hope to NEVER have to use, and it feels like I’m literally throwing money away. They keep saying that because I do a lot of driving it puts me at a greater risk. But the more I drive without getting into an accident gives me more and more experience on the road. Why doesn’t that factor into any of this?

Power Tools – My new job is doing a pretty good job of curing me from my small, possibly irrational fear of power tools. I feel like I got to a point where I hadn’t used power tools in my life and I figured that since I didn’t start at an early age, I would never be able to use them without slicing or stabbing myself. The good news is now most power tools are outifttted with gobs and gobs of safety kill switches and quick release anti-danger modules. Thus far in the month I’ve worked, I’ve used a pneumatic air saw, chop saw, angel grinder, electric reverberating saw, power sander, corded dremel(I’m actually quite comfy with a dremel, for some reason) and a heat gun. One of these days I’ll have to tackle the table saw and in five years I’ll probably be a certified arc welder.

People Asking Their Dogs to Sit When They See Me Coming – It’s either because their dog is excitable and might bite me, or there is something about me that may send their dog into an unrelenting furious homicidal rage. Either way, I’m always worried when a dog walker steps off the sidewalk and forces their dog to sit and stare at me as I walk by.

Airbags deploying from too much Steering Wheel rocking out – I often sit in traffic and drum on my steering wheel. Hard. Like, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath hard. It’s a Long way to the top if you want to rock and roll hard. Hot for Teacher hard. And I’m terrified that in the throws of an Alex Van Halen solo I’m going to get my neck snapped back by the explosive deployment of my airbag. I’m not scared of being in a car accident- I’m just afraid of being killed by my car’s safety device.

Nuclear Armageddon – Not sure this fits here as it could very well be a rational fear, but every time I hear a loud bang I think that there is going to be a bright flash and then a nuclear heat blast wash away the skin from my frail body. Note of course the fact that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to hear the bang before seeing the flash, but in my fear of fears, Newtonian laws are meaningless.

Places I Have Been

These last few weeks have been long and far away from home. It’s nice to finally be back with the VCR blasting Indiana Jones while I organize the many, many, many loose ends left scattered around my tiny, moldy apartment.

It’s a mess of unfiled papers, unpaid bills, and unfinished freelance jobs. How can one be so busy having fun that important things get left behind? Oh right- I’m making a living doing what I love to do.

My band Townland has been in the recording studio the last few days (non-consecutively) laying down some sweet prairie poppin’ tracks of bouncy tunes. On the way back to my girlfriend’s house I almost started to cry because it has been such a shockingly frustrating, yet infinitely fulfilling experience. The struggle is always worth the end product.

Meanwhile, I’m waking up at 7AM every weekend to go work with some of the most talented individuals in the physical effects world, learning creative and practical tools that I’ve always been driven towards.

And when I’m not there, I’m on set with Andy & Scott for their SuperDeluxe show that we just wrapped this afternoon after two and half weeks of some of the funniest performances I’ve seen in a long time.

It’s going to rain through the night tonight in Long Beach, cleaning the streets, the air, and washing shit off the trees onto my car; tomorrow I’m going to wake up early and make my bed, clean my house, put on some clean clothes and keep building my toolkit for this shiny new year that I was hoping would polish up to a high gloss finish.

We’ve Disappointed This Man

Stoners and Cephalopods

"Super High Me" is getting great reviews every which way, which is just so fulfilling after all the headaches and diligent hard work the crew put into it. In case you, loyal readership, didn’t know, IFC is trying to spearhead a grassroots movement to "Roll Your Own Screening" of Super High Me. Basically, you host a screening of the movie on 4/20 or something at a comed club, bar, or your house. Go find out more at Superhighmemovie.com

What am I working on now? A whole bunch of odds and ends: still working with the endlessly funny and charming Ryan and Brian of 3ManGroup on a few projects; Andy and Scott have a show on SuperDeluxe.com (premiering right at the beginning of summer) that we’re shooting the next few weeks; a bit more freelance work for Samantha Who on ABC; …

Oh yeah, I got hired at STAN WINSTON STUDIO.

The only thing that is way more awesome kickass better than the work that I get to do there is that the people couldn’t be nicer and more helpful and dedicated. It’s amazing. I wish I could say more, but I cannot. I’ll try and post pictures if I’m ever allowed to take any of the work that we do.

And lastly (speaking of SuperDeluxe.com), holy goddamn, watch this video from Hard N’ Phirm my friend Neil Mahoney directed.

Why my eyes are tired

Today was one of the best days of my entire life so far, and I just want it to end. It sort of took a swoop downwards this evening because I'm working two demanding jobs this weekend that are pounding me to the ground.

The first, I'm sorry to say, is one of the greatest experiences ever, and I can't really talk that much about it. (I hate that!)

The second, is awesome, and I don't really want to talk about it. I do occasional freelance work for Samantha Who? (Christina Applegate; ABC, check your local listings) and I'm finishing up a job for them and it's at the last stage, nothing too troubling has happened- a few burps on my end, nothing abnormal- except now, my DVD burner is spitting out unplayable discs every other time. AAUUGGGHHH!!!

On top of all that, Ryan(I know you read this and dropped off MySpace), your DVD of Big Trouble in Little China was skipping up a storm and I got frustrated and turned it off near the end.

I'm working again tomorrow, Sunday, 8AM to 5PM, and have to have these DVDs ready on my girlfriend's front porch TONIGHT!

I'm twenty-five years old. I thought I was going to stop having computer problems like this ten years ago....when everything was 2400 baud and VGA graphics.

As long as I'm here, I'll share with you these two reviews of Super High Me, from SXSW:

AINTITCOOLNEWS.COM

WIRED blog
THIS ONE MENTIONS THE GRAPHICS I DID!

Alright, have a fun rest of the weekend you crazy kids! Get off my lawn!

ANOTHER new video! from SuperEgo

Superego: Supershort 2 from Matt Gourley on Vimeo.

An animated short from SuperEgo; this premiered at PortShorts, a super short short comedy video screening from Wunna Weeks' Danny Ricker and Adam Fisher(the entire show was 9 minutes long).

Don't forget to clicky on the "Matt Gourley" link in the window to see out first SuperEgo SuperShort, "Bunnin."

I've been working on a ton of stuff the last year or so and things are finally starting to be released. OK, this animation took about five days and I did it last week, but that's beside the point. Meteor Men (episode 2 coming soon), The SuperEgo SuperShorts and in March, the pot documentary that we made ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, is finally being released. After that, there are a few more web sketches I've worked on with friends, a political satire internet series(which is going to be incredible) and another independent feature about the war in Afghanistan that we shot last May.

See! I work!

Go watch Bunnin'!

"Meteor Men" is online!

I recently worked with the amazing Brian Bradley, fantastic Ryan Smith, and the awesome Kim Evey on a new web series called Meteor Men. It's now online for your viewing pleasure! Ryan and Brian are fantastic writers and actors and Kim Evey, of Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show, is a great director.

CLICK HERE! WATCH IT! LEAVE US A COMMENT! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqxA6-Ji70M

I was the director of photography and effects bro. I also directed the second episode which should be out in about a week- SO STAY TUNED!

EDITED TO FIX THE LINK! Thanks Pete!

Late for Valentine’s Day

I was late in finishing my gift to my girlfriend for Valentine's Day, but here it is in all it's glory.



Nothing says, "I love you," like ruining the ending of Soylent Green.

Also, here is my favorite part of Valentine's Day in Los Angeles- I drive by it every year to my girlfriend's place and this year I snapped a photo from the Golden State freeway.



Have a great week!

The New Remote

Finally, FINALLY, after all the hullabaloo about Blu-ray versus HD-DVD, I have caved and bought a new VCR.

My old VCR crapped out probably about three years ago and I've got a lot of old VHS tapes sitting on my shelves. I just gave my DVD player to my sister and went and got a new VHS/DVD combo player. Pretty good deal, if anyone's asking(no one is asking).

I bet you're wondering, "Jeff, why don't you just buy all those old, crappy movies* on DVD which now are sure to come loaded with special features and commentaries?" I'll tell you- besides the nostalgic quality, the fact that my friends and I almost primarily watch VHS movies, I also have quite a few old blank tapes of the videos I made with my friends, stuff taped from TV, and a couple of dirty movies on videotape.

ANYWAY- I had spent a long time with my old DVD player and had gotten pretty used to its remote control. With its tiny buttons and awkward cheap-o layout, I had gotten to a point where I could work with it really fast.

Now I've got this "new" piece of technology and a whole new remote and I have to learn how to use it. The layout is different, even more cheap-o, and JUST different enough that I have to pause and squint my eyes everytime I'm watching a movie or TV show. Like, the DVD Menu button is on the opposite side of the remote, the Pause button is inverted than it's previous position, and the Play button, the button one uses THE LEAST, is the largest, most prominent molded rubber switch on the whole damn thing.

So now, I sit here watching my Pan&Scan copy of Sylvester Stallone's "The Specialist" and it has been so long, it's like watching a new movie. Oh the joys of a new format. Thank you, science!







*Highlights from my VHS collection include: Demolition Man, Speed, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Executive Decision, and The Peacemaker.

Why We’re Protecting Marriage

Here's a preface:

Many people know, or at least they will now, I'm not the most political person in the world. I get intimidated, annoyed, and frustrated by all the lobbying, spinning, twisting, and lying. Not to mention I don't pay attention to political news further than whatever is in bold at HuffingtonPost(although I suppose that's still more than a lot of people.) I was in political science in college during the 2000 election and I think that I am definitely one of those people that was numbed to politics by the horror that unfurled. That's probably when I stopped trying to be involved because…well, gee, there are so many reasons.

Anyhow, my girl and I have the same Valentine's Day tradition every year- eat fried chicken and go to the drive-in movie theater to see a horror movie. This year, traffic was bad and we got to dinner late and ended up missing our movie. Boo. So we headed over to a friend's house who was having a "couples only" Valentine's Day party.

The party was fun, lots of friends, about eight couples total. At one point, Jen, our host decided we would play The Newlywed game and significant others went back into the bedroom, with a list of questions and drew up answers that we would have to match. (It took, like, a million years, it seemed like for them to finish.)

I have to say, as a guy who has both the best and the worst memory for things, and like a lot of other men, I was worried that I wouldn't know anything about the woman that I had talked to everyday for the last six years and would look foolish. There were all sorts of questions, about favorite movies, favorite parts of each other's body, do you have a song, etc. etc.

There's nothing more I would like to do than reiterate one couples pet names, but what happens at a Valentine's Day Newlywed game party, stays at a you-get-the-idea. The only thing that made their pet names better was that they were (awesomely, amazingly) wrong! (Granted, I think he had written down "baby" and "baby" to protect them…)

Ok, Ok, I'm getting to the point of all this- There were eight couples, seven straight and one lesbian couple. After an hour and half of laughing and wincing and weird looks and almost-fights, the game was over and the lesbian couple took home the prize(a soda machine- it's hard to explain).

These two women, not allowed to be married legally, knew EVERYTHING about each other. Question after question there was no hesitation whatsoever. The smiled and laughed and knew exactly what turned each other on and what animal the other would be and generally, as casual as they might have been about it, loved each other endlessly.

I'm not trying to start a political dialogue about this subject, I know that one already exists. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, I just thought everyone should hear this story. I hope everyone had a happy Valentine's Day, this year or for next.

My favorite Magic: The Gathering cards

Pearled Unicorn: If teenage boys ever yell at girls for playing with horses, I give you exhibit 'A' and-
Mesa Pegasus: …exhibit 'B.'


Merfolk of the Pearl Trident: Oh yeah- exhibit C. I don't remember being a kid and proclaiming to my opponent, "Oh you're fucked now, Barrett. I summon the Merfolk of the Pearl Trident."
Howl From Beyond: Meanwhile in Hell, Big Brother watches as a husky dog shoots green lightning out of it's mouth. Obviously.


Wall of Pine Needles: What is scarier? A wall of pine needles killing you, or finding out that a sabertoothed human was killed by your wall of pine needles?
Captain Needa: whoops. This is from the Star Wars card game.


Heroism: Someone turned in the art for the Heroism card, and their boss saw a crazy Norwegian guy, wearing a winged helemt and carrying a broadsword, running through a fog of demons. And that boss looked at it and said, "Hmmm...we need something more...something that DEFINES heroism...."


Veteran Bodyguard: WHOA! Remember how people were upset that Magic cards were teaching kids witchcraft and shit like that? Right.

Crumble Cat Cookie in Porridge

I just did something that I thought I would never do in my entire life:

I beat King's Quest 3.

When I was a kid I used to go to my friend's house and load 5.75" floppy disks into the computer and we would attempt to play the game, but we couldn't do anything right. The wizard would always find us and disintegrate our little hero.

Recently I found an emulator for old Lucasarts and Sierra games, downloaded the data files for Kings Quest 3 and then found a walkthough online.

Yeah, I know using a walkthough is cheating and thank god for it because that game is stupid and impossible if you don't know what you're doing. How are you supposed to know that you need to "move books," "pull lever," "grab cat," "get cat hair," "get toad spittle," "get cup of ocean water," the list goes on and on.

I'm a smart guy and I like solving puzzles; but playing King's Quest 3 was, and still is, pretty much impossible if you don't know what you're doing. How was I supposed to know that I had to turn into a fly to find the bandit's hideout? Or that I could find the magic teleportion map in the back of the wizards closet? Or that I needed to crumble the cat cookie I made into the porridge I stole from the three bears house(I'm not making this up)?

I beat it and it's kind of weird because the whole story revolve (eventually) around you saving the Princess from a three headed dragon. Oh, did I mention that the Princess is your sister, but you know that and that is why you are on your quest.

It's easier to figure things out after you have made the dough that you put in your ears to understand the language of animals. But first you need to have gotten a thimbleful of dew and a reptile skin from the endless desert, without being turned to stone by Medusa.

Obviously.

Solar Year

It's supposed to rain for the next two days which is fine with me because I feel like we never see any rain in this city. I plan on staying out of all the traffic and most of the rain, heading down to Portfolio's for a cup of coffee to keep me warm while I blog.

I don't really like New Year's resolutions because I think that we've become so cynical that it's easy for us to cast them aside when they become annoyances. Therefore, I never make New Year's resolutions- I make goals for the next three hundred and sixty five days.

Yesterday I started in on my main goal, to lower the energy use from my house. I bought some CFLs and installed them in all the lights in my house, reducing my wattage from 300 watts across five bulbs to 49 across those same five. I'm not sure the energy my microwave or television uses, but they are the next ones to get an overhaul. I can't really do anything about my fridge since it's my landlord's, so that will have to wait.

I also make sure to keep battery chargers unplugged when not in use as they leak energy even when not in use.

And last but not least, I want to install some sort of solar panels to use and abuse the sun's inifinite power for my Playstation and DVD player. I know it's expensive to do, but I just think that it would be worth it if I was making as small an impact on our world as possible.

Any of you have any other good power-saving, green-Earth ideas? Or are the lot of you hummer-driving, leaving-the-fridge-open, all-styrofoam-plates-using, Planet-killers?

13 Hours Down the California Coast

This past weekend I was up in beautiful Silicon Valley for a birthday celebration. It was such a wonderful good time, not to mention the delicious deep-fried turkey that was procured for the festivities.

As we were packing up to get back to Los Angeles, we decided to look online and find some roadside attractions to stop by; after about an hour and a half of searching, we had mapped out a ridiculous detour along the entire coast of the Golden State. Here, courtesy of Flickr are the highlights.


First stop, the world's largest outdoor monopoly board. OK, I've got a couple questions, actually one's a statement: 1.) We were expecting this to be a bit bigger as it was surprisingly hard to find and 2.) Who wants to play a long, boring game of Monopoly outside for 12 hours? This is just such a bad idea.



Next stop, the world's largest Artichoke in Castroville, CA. Inside is an artichoke restaurant-

Clockwise from Left: Fried Artichoke, Artichoke Soup, and Steamed Artichoke. (Not shown because we didn't order it: gross Artichoke Bread.)


Keepin' on down the coast, we come to Monterey, California, a gorgeous seaside town. I would love to spend a springtime up here someday. Meanwhile, across from the cemetery, is the Dennis the Menace park with this laughably small statue of Dennis the Menace. The park itself (not shown) is pretty awesome- there's an actual old train engine you can climb on, a crazy suspension bridge, a ROCK WALL for kids to climb on, and a hedge maze(!!!). Meanwhile, no kids want to play at the park because they've been scared to death by this:

A lion's head water fountain.

Moving on, we then had a two hour drive along the gorgeous Pacific Coast Highway through Big Sur national park.

We only stopped once because we were racing against the darkness and the fog, both of which engulfed us with sixty some odd miles to go before we reached civilization. This picture was taken right at sunset on an outlook over a sea of clouds. Pretty awesome.

So we powered through so we could get to Morro Bay, where Central California's Largest Outdoor Chessboard is:

LAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE.*



The award for grossest roadside attraction (in San Luis Obeezbo) is Bubblegum Alley, which is exactly what it looks like.



Nooooooo!!!! The Madonna Inn's coffee shop was closed- probably because it was eleven o'clock at night on a Monday in January. I imagine if we had stopped to get coffee and a pastry, we would not have kept going to the last two stops on our little trip. Which may not have been a bad thing…


The picture didn't come out, which is just as well, the website said that there were Front Yard Dinosaur statues which sounded awesome, but after being on the road for twelve hours, a seven foot, wicker, tyrannosaurus rex just doesn't impress.


Annnddd finally, the stupid Pismo Beach, giant stupid clamshells, disguised as stupid butterfly wings.

And that's it- then we went home.

Holy shit- that was so much fun.




*Just how lame could this possibly be? It costs $29 PER PERSON to play on the stupid giant chessboard, which I could build in a parking lot in a weekend. Boooo…Morro Bay is filled with criminals and people with bad taste.

Nerd Alert!

This is uber-nerdy(not me writing uber-nerdy, what I'm about to say is...):

A MacWorld Rumor website has a list of the possible items and products that Apple is going to annouce at Macworld, in order of their probability.

I am typing this on my favorite computer EVER: the 12-inch Apple Powerbook, probably the last one they sold because I bought it a few weeks before they discontinued selling them new. I love it for it's power in such a small size. It's great for mobile production of all sorts(music, TV) and boasts most of the features that mid-level PowerMacs had at the time.

Sooooo....this website is saying that they MIGHT announce a 12-inch MacBook next week at the MacWorld Expo. I've been afraid about having to buy another laptop in the future because I'm so obsessed with my tiny computer. The only small (and smaller) computers at this point are the sub-notebooks made by Sony or HewlettPackard. But if Apple is going to make an aptly branded MacBook Nano, I'll be secure in staying with Apple computers.

Sigh. I'm going to level up my dwarf priest in World of Warcraft...

EDITED TO ADD: Oh shit. THAT was my first post in 2008? This is going to be YEAR OF THE NERD!