Today is my day-off and I have been in my apartment trying organizing all my books and magazines that are strewn about my (dirty) carpet. I had my laptop plugged into my stereo and was listening to Jetliner, quite possibly the greatest band since ACDC. I was rocking out and air-guitaring and lip-synching and ignoring the ridiculous amount of work beneath my feet.
But as I was cleaning up books by Dave Eggers, George Saunders, and short stories about pirates, I reached a crossroads of identity. Who am i? I act like a headbanger, but I don't have long hair. I'm cultured and snobby like a hipster, but I don't play guitar and start t-shirt companies.
Even though I don't look like a head banger, the last concerts I went to were Jetliner and AC/DShe. And as I don't necessarily look like a hipster, I am arrogant about books, appreciate retro-irony (like Gumby, Old school nintendo, and Magnum PI as well as Tom Selleck's moustache), and am pursuing a career in the entertainment industry.
My headbangerness put me in a band as a drummer, except my hipsterness put me in a folk-rock band.
My headbangerness wears torn jeans, while my hipsterness puts on a sweater from Target and a shoulder bag with my laptop in it to walk to a coffee shop.
My inner headbanger wants to go get PBRs down at the Pike, yet my inner hipster urges me to drink bottom-shelf, blue-ruin, rot gut whiskey at The Prospector to prove I'm not a wimp.
Meanwhile, my computer's playlist is jumping around from AC/DC's "Back in Black" and Black Sabbath's "The Mob Rules," to The Ditty Bops, Wilco, and Bright Eyes.
I go buy Slayer and Megadeth, but I leave the record store with Rilo Kiley and Death Cab for Cutie under my arm. For every bit of me that appreciates all those mopey-eyed, shaggy-haired, indie-rock bands, I get more excited when KLOS plays a rock block of Van Halen and Deep Purple.
Who am I? Who am I trying to be? What has become of this world where I feel so conflicted between two stereotypes that I can't choose either one of; and what could be the defining characteristic that tips the scales and let's me rest peacefully on one side. Is this my interntal struggle? My dramatic theme? Am I fighting a battle between singing Guns n' Roses at karaoke versus Tom Jones?
Whatever you do, don't remind me about how I used to eat pot brownies and go to Phish concerts- I don't think the triple bill of headbanger vs. hipster vs. hippie will have a very good outcome.
If we're looking for a war, then seriously, there's going to be blood on the streets tonight.
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