[no subject]

What is it that the subject line has done for our society, besides create undue stress and furstration in trying to perfectly sum up your ruminations on "dropping a line." For every personal e-mail that you entitle "Hey" and every business e-mail that comes through "RE: the kitchen," we all get those items with the dreaded [no subject].

What piques my curiosity is who dreads that title (or lack of) more? The sender, for not having come up with an adequate phrase to prompt their reader of the coming salutations? Or is the reader worried that [no subject] means what follows is serious and the sender was so intent on sending the e-mail they couldn't be bothered with coming up with two words to prepare the reader for what was contained inside.

I recall a time a few weeks ago when I was talking on the phone with a friend I was helping out. I asked if he had seen a video on the internet, probably of a car crash or fart joke or something, and I asked him to send me the link. Later that night when the link came through as [no subject], I didn't immediately think, "Oh! Here is that link I requested." My mind jumped all over the place wondering what on earth he could possibly be writing to me about since we had just spoken on the phone earlier that day.

But my friend had no reason to post a subject line for an item that I requested, right? Why are we so compelled to fill in that field when very often there is nothing to put?

One of the things that the internet has become an indespensible tool for is reconnecting with people that you haven't seen in awhile. Ex-girlfriends, ex-best-friends, high school guidance counselors you had crushes on, etc.

When you track down that old girlfriend or boyfriend's e-mail address, get the nerve up to write a short letter saying hello and how are you doing, the letter isn't difficult but I have spent hours trying to figure out a couple words to, essentially, prepare this person for having to deal with me again.

Regardless of the contents of the letter, here is a list of subject headings I would use to get in touch with my ex-girlfriend from my junior year of high school:

Hey you!
Hello!
Hi there!
Good Morrow!
Aloha!
Shalom from Long Beach!
Where you at, homes?!
What's up?! It's Jeff!
Why did you change your number?
You're a hard gal to find!
When did you change your name?
[no subject]

As you can see, the subject heading is the caller ID of e-mail. You know who is coming at you and what they are coming at you for. If the number is restricted or blocked [no subject] do you pick it up, just to find out? Or do you delete it immediately no matter whose e-mail address it is from?

I sympathize with the relentless stress that this simple, understated concept has brought to hundreds of people. I too suffer from the anxiety of [no subject], and one of these days, when I come up with the perfect all-purpose subject heading, I'll tell everyone and rule the world as king!

Huzzah!